August 18

I’ll Shut Up Now

In Conclusion

WHY ME! I ran the gauntlet of emotions. The “why me” stage (denial I guess); “Look, I don’t drink, smoke, take drugs, hurt people, animals or trees and never have so, why me?” The anger stage; “You see these people doing all kinds of bad things, why do I deserve to suffer?” Stopping myself faster than a teenager passing a cell phone sale, “selfish b—-” I label myself in that instance. When I would start feeling sorry for myself my husband would quickly snap me out of it. He told me, “Project how you want to be, then be it. If you dwell on the negative, it’s harder to rise from the ashes.”. Good advice if you ask me. He has been through some very terrible experiences in his life as well so, he is just not talking the talk. Which brings me to the acceptance stage; “Well, I won’t die from Parkinsonism, I will die with Parkonsonism.”. That is true, Parkinson’s disease does not kill you but, falling, choking and other things that can lead to death can be caused by one of the symptoms related to having Parkinsonism. I’ll just be sure to be careful!

All said and done, I am still actually beside myself in disbelief that I even have this disease. It’s like seeing something on the news where it seems that stuff always happens to someone else. Guess what, don’t ever become detached, jaded or caught off guard because “stuff” happens, life happens and sometimes you find yourself neck deep in it. I am not suggesting one should dwell on it, live in defense mode or in fear but, realize that the dynamic is always there and no one is immune. Also remember, just when you think things can’t get any worse, they can. Jim told me; “Rock bottom is based on your perception of the bottom and it can always get deeper. So focus not on the darkness at the bottom of the pit but, focus on reaching the light spilling over the rim. It’s easier to dig the hole deeper than climb out of it.”. He should write a book or something!

Still working on this page, I want the last chord of my little auto biography here to resonate with an uplifting echo. (Jim helped me with that line I’ll have to admit!)